"On March 10, 1996, I was forced, by an Order of the Court, and by my ex-husband, his attorney, his family and religious supporters, to do something that raged against my good conscience, my common sense and against all my motherly instincts. After a temporary custody hearing, a Court Order signed by Judge Norblad forcibly removed my nursing baby and two youngest children from me. I obeyed the Court Order and gave my children over to my ex-husband. I drove to the hospital, rented a breast-pump and later collapsed and went into shock. I could not understand what had happened and why. I have not yet recovered from the shock; perhaps I never will.... Mr. Warner and his attorney, Mr. Lawrence, were pleased... they had taken away my children. They did not know, though, that they would never be able to take away my soul, my dignity, my inner joy or my freedom-those things that are a part of our sacred ground. No one outside ourselves can rule us inwardly. When we know this, we are truly free."
(Excerpt from BONSHEA)
Introduction
"Casting religion in a negative light, can often invite a strong reaction mixed with accusations of heresy and un-Godliness. Such reactions can have a chilling effect on those who might wish to express a negative human experience, namely domestic abuse, where religion has been used as a vehicle to enable the abuse. In BONSHEA, Coral Theill confronts this troublesome dynamic in an anecdotal account, which underscores the degree to which religion, and the legal system, can be used to enable systematic domestic abuse. In doing so, Coral Theill has ventured into relatively uncharted territory in a manner which may well draw detractors, but at the same time offers great validation for those who find themselves entangled in an abusive relationship buttressed with religious justification. In addition to broaching this form of religious distortion, BONSHEA also illustrates the degree to which the legal system can also be used as a vehicle to further perpetuate abuse even after the victim has chosen to take a stand against the abuse. In BONSHEA, Coral Theill has clearly chosen to take a courageous stand. It is a stand that comes with a cost, but whose dividends are measured in the strength of the soul."
John Haroldson, Benton County District Attorney
Corvallis, Oregon
Dr.
Barbara May's Endorsement
"Coral Theill's BONSHEA is intense in its effort to "open the doors" behind which many domestic violence perpetrators have stood for so long in the name of "privacy." She dispels painful secrets about the abuse and the violence in her life and the lives of her children, which is chilling to read about because of its pervasiveness, its limitlessness and its consequences. At every level-family and friends, key people in her community, the health care system, the legal and judicial system, and the culture which socializes us all-she met with adversity and re-victimization. In the telling of her recovery, which is truly remarkable given her circumstances, the reader gets a vivid sense of the indominability of her spirit and light. The strategies she shares with the reader can make a difference between being a victim and being a survivor.
Her story is compelling reading for anyone living or surviving this experience. I recommend this book for health care providers, those in the criminal justice system, and volunteers or helpers of any kind to get insights and clarity about the complex dynamics of domestic violence and its toxic effects to individuals and society-and what needs to be done to eradicate this pandemic problem."
Barbara A. May, PhD, APRN, BC
Professor of Nursing, Linfield College and Psych-Mental health Nurse Practitioner
See Salem News article by Tim King printed May 12, 2007
"Just when you thought you knew what was going on in your community, here comes a story that just may shatter the security of your American Dream. This is a story about abuse, survival, false religion and dubious court systems in a state that may be advanced on some levels, but sometimes proves to be a miserable failure in terms of equity and fairness and conventional thinking. It is the saga of an Oregon woman who was told marital rape and physical abuse would not be prosecuted."
Marital Rape and Abuse Victim Seeks Justice From Oregon`s Governor
Salem-News.com November 28, 2007
Welcome to Oregon: Land of Domestic Abuse Endorsement
Salem-News.com November 29, 2007
What Abuse Survivors Expect from the Portland Crime Victims Conference by Tim King, Salem-News.com May 30, 2008
Batterer Manipulation and Retaliation Denial and Complicity In the Family Courts by Joan Zorza, Esq
Most batterers know they can bring criminal and contempt charges at no expense to the abusers, but they take an enormous financial and emotional cost on their victims. The result is that many abusive men drag on the litigation and file spurious claims openly acknowledging they are trying to drive their victims onto welfare or into homelessness; half of all homeless women and children in the U.S. are homeless because of domestic violence.
When courts blame victims and fail to hold abusers accountable, they reinforce abuser behavior, subvert justice, disempower the victims, teach children that abusive behavior is permissible and may even be rewarded, and reinforce the cycle of violence.
Read the Joan Zorza article
TO ORDER: BONSHEA: Making Light of the Dark by Coral Anika Theill
ONLINE:
http://iuniverse.com
http://barnesandnoble.com or
http://amazon.com
Toll free: 1-877-823-9235 iUniverse Publishing, Inc.
E-mail author, Coral Anika Theill at: coraltheill@hotmail.com
Soft cover copies of Coral's 380-page book, BONSHEÁ: Making Light of the
Dark, are $23.95 (Hardcover: $33.95) ISBN: 0-595-25658-9 (pbk) ISBN:
0-595-65240-9 (cloth) Copyright 2003
Coral Theill, victim advocate and artist, teaches that we become healed
healers when we embrace our own suffering and pain - "Making Light of the
Dark." Coral is available for discussion groups and/or speaking engagements.
A RECOVERY BILL OF RIGHTS for Trauma Survivors
As a Matter of Personal AUTHORITY, You Have the Right . . . to manage your life according to your own values and judgment. For the Preservation of Personal BOUNDARIES, You Have the Right . . . to be touched only with your permission, and only in ways that are comfortable. In the Sphere of Personal COMMUNICATION, You Have the Right . . . to ask for explanation of communications you do not understand. Specific to the DOMAIN of Psychotherapy, You Have the Right . . . to hire a therapist or counselor as coach, not boss, of your recovery.
RECLAIMING OUR POWER: PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECTS OF WOMEN IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
by Jeannine Vegh
August 20, 1997Introduction: This paper attempts to study the psychology of the woman who has been battered and how it relates to a loss of her own power. While it is the fault of the man for abusing the woman, it is the woman's "Emotional Intelligence" (Goleman, D. 1995) that will give her the strength to escape her batterer and begin on a path toward reclaiming her power. This is not a paper that attempts to blame any woman for her choices to remain or leave the situation. On the contrary, this is about understanding the battered woman and how she might take responsibility for her safety, given the trauma imposed on her, thereby gaining a sense of self." This article was similiar to my own conclusions regarding domestic violence and religion. She also makes mention of one of my favorite authors and role models, Dr. Viktor Frankl, survivor of Auschwitz Concentration Camp, author and Jewish psychiatrist. http://www.survivorsofdv.com
I have spent long hours trying to make some sense of my life and have come to
the conclusion that when horror overcomes us, the only response possible is to
remember what happened and tell the story.
Addie Archer, A reviewer, February 13, 2003, 5 out of 5 stars
Unforgettable Story
"Every so often a book is written that touches the heart. This is such a book. BONSHEA is an unforgettable story that will leave an indelible mark on your psyche."
BONSHEA: Making Light of the Dark shares my search for freedom and light in a society based on patriarchal religion and laws. It openly speaks about the ideas and beliefs in our society which foster sexism, racism, the denigration of human rights and the intolerance of difference. My documentation exposes the dark side of human nature when all people are not valued. A healthy society must have the courage to address these issues, speak about them, examine them and bring them to light. Indifference encourages, "silent violence"-the type of violence I experienced in my home, in the community, religious circles and judicial system. Nobel laureate, Elie Wiesel states, "The indifference to suffering makes the human inhumane."
"The injustice committed against me is not just the physical separation
from my children, but the willful desecration of the mother-child
relationship and bond, a sacred spiritual and emotional entity. Forcibly taking a
mother's children, and then controlling her emotionally by withholding
contact must be publicly recognized as one of the greatest forms of
"misuse" of the American justice system and one of the greatest hidden
vehicles for wide-spread socially approved physical and emotional abuse
and control."
Did this community, Coral's community, agree with this example of justice? Did this community assume (as I did) that justice, in the end, would prevail? And, after reading Coral's story, did we all assume too much? Is Coral's story an isolated example of injustice? Or, simply, tragically, a current example of justice.
- Rev. Joanna Trainor
Mr. David Gearing began his closing statements with, "Your honor, first of all I want to make some general statements. This has been...I don't know if I can talk....." Mr. Gearing broke down and wept.
Judge Norblad called for a recess until Mr. Gearing could regain his composure.
Mr. Gearing continued,
"What I was going to say is this case has been one of the most difficult cases that I have handled since I have been a member of the bar. A case in which the Court has earned its pay (laughs) in making a very, very difficult call in a very difficult situation.
Norblad was arrested January 27, 2000, by State police in response to reports of an erratic driver on Interstate 5.
Many people are concerned about the impairment of judges in America's judicial system. It appears, from their records, that many judges have no regard for the safety and well-being of women and children. They execute judgments that, in many cases, are viewed as bizarre and inhumane with no repercussions to their careers.
This program explores the family court system which routinely takes children
away from the protective parent and puts them in the care of the person the
children have named as their abuser. It describes how fathers use and
sacrifice their children in order to control and punish the mothers, and how
the courts, often unwittingly, help those men. By following the stories of
three dedicated women and their lawyers the program exposes a systematic
legal failure to protect those who need protection the most. A Video By
Garland Waller
Some abusers use the courts to continue their control over their ex-wives
and children by taking advantage of the current trend of courts favoring
joint custody or granting sole custody to fathers. Women usually are the
primary caretakers of children before and after divorce, and they have
profound fears of losing custody, whereas the batterer has little to lose by
using custody as a bargaining and power tactic. [Liss & Stahly, 1993; Marks,
1988; Pagelow, 1992). Mildred Daley Pagelow, Battered Women A Historical
Research Review and Some Common Myths, p.107] .
See: TRUTH COMMISSION FINDING AND SOLUTIONS, January 13, 2007, Fourth
Battered Mother's Custody Conference.
I don't know how to help Kathy (Coral) anymore and fear that she can't hang on much longer. I'm submitting this affidavit in the hopes that the legal system will understand what happened to Mrs. Warner (Ms. Theill) is real, is cruel and continues. I know it's real because I lived through eighteen months of emotional and mental turmoil, fear and doubt in my professional abilities at the hands of the same man that brought his wife to a state of emotional and mental breakdown.
"It is totally unimaginable how that man (Mr. Warner) can destroy his children's hope and security to try to punish you and maintain the image he holds of himself in their eyes. I hope some day they can get to a place of healing. I do believe what you said about your inability to stop him from hurting them. Revenge is such a controlling force in his life. I doubt that he can see the world from anyone's point of view than his own and would never even wonder if his behavior hurts them. Any outsider can look at that situation and bleed emotionally if not physically. I don't believe it is in him to even consider that a perspective outside his own driven nature has any validity. There isn't much hope in that outside of prayer.
In 1995, I sought legal help to escape a long-term abusive marriage. During this time, Oregon State Representative Betsy Close aided my abuser personally and in Court. Transcripts and documentation of my court trials are available to the public. Representative Betsy Close expressed her belief, on the witness stand, that no Christian woman has a right to divorce her husband except in cases of desertion or fornication.
A Historical Account of the Status of
Woman Through the Christian Ages with Reminiscences of the Matriarchate
by Matilda Joslyn Gage - 1893, reprinted by Arno Press Inc, 1972
The scope, breadth, depth, and powerful, no-holds-barred writing style make Woman, Church, and State my favorite book of all that I have reviewed. It has taken academia, and only the most radical, feminist pockets of academia at that, 100 years to catch up with her. If this work was published today, it would be considered radical. As I read this work, I laughed, I cried, and I grew angry. You cannot walk away from this work without having strong emotions - whether positive or negative, for good or bad, is for you to say. Many of the ideas that it contains are I at first considered too radical. But, often, after some reflection, I had to admit that she spoke the truth. I urge everyone to read Gage' Woman, Church, and State in its entirety.
The mission of Mothers of Lost Children is to support, nurture and pray for mothers who have been forcibly separated from their children by the family law and juvenile courts. Our primary goal is to bring to public awareness the fact that children who report abuse, particularly incest, are regularly given into the custody or unsupervised visitation of the identified perpetrators. The mothers who strive to protect the children are commonly removed partially or completely from the children's lives.
Divorce is never good. But take a narcissist/verbal/emotional abuser and his
lawyer and you have a situation that can turn very quickly into an
e, tenacious, battle. You will be hit with increasingly intense abuse. The
legal system can be a very effective battering tool. The first thing my
husband's attorney asked him was "Shall I hit her over the head with a 2x4?"
There is such pathology in this that we must be aware, vigilant, and
prepared. The legal system is adverserial and full of men and women with
tremendous needs for power.
Every year millions of people are abused in this country. Stop Family
Violence is a leading national organization working to bring survivor voices
- and the voices of their allies - to bear on the social and political
agendas affecting their lives. Mission: Stop Family Violence's mission is
to organize and amplify our nation's collective voice against family
violence. We are a catalyst for social change - empowering people to take
action at the local, state and national level to ensure safety, justice,
accountability and healing for people whose lives are affected by violent
relationships. Our goal is family peace.
On May 11, just before Mother's Day weekend, ten mothers, one victimized
child, now an adult, leading national and state organizations filed a
complaint against the United States with the Inter American Commission on
Human Rights. Their petition claims that U.S. courts, by frequently awarding
child custody to abusers and child molesters, has failed to protect the
life, liberties, security and other human rights of abused mothers and their
children
Women's law and research | Women's history ...
Women's legal research library, including articles and references on family law,
politics, marriage and divorce, child custody, children's issues, ...
We, the Courageous Kids Network, are a growing group of young people, whose childhood was shattered by biased and inhumane court rulings, which forced us to live with our abusive parent, while restricting or sometimes completely eliminating contact with our loving and protective parent.
Kourts for Kids is a nonprofit organization of volunteers across America, who are working together to find ways to better protect abused children in the family courts.
A stunning family legal drama about a brave mother who defies the court to save her daughter from its "justice."
The Empowerment of a Wealthy Abuser in Family Court Litigation: Linda v. Lyle - A Case Study.
This article looks at the possibility that some or all high-conflict divorces are actually the manifestation of stalking behaviors by wealthy domestic abusers.
Virtually all coverage of high-conflict divorce assumes both parents are the source of the conflict. Blame is assigned solely and equally to the parents in essentially all cases without much analysis. However, if one party is abusive and sufficiently wealthy to fund on-going litigation, the Domestic Court may be ideally suited to the spurned mate's agenda. The systematic assertion of 'dominion and control' via Family Court litigation would superficially mimic a high-conflict divorce because there would be ongoing litigation. The interpretation is consistently that the parties cannot get along and they are using their children as pawns. A closer look shows high conflict divorce has features common to both domestic abuse relationships and the stalking behavior displayed by abandoned abusers. This fascinating case study illustrates how power is transferred from the abusive mate to the professionals, who are, apparently, also at risk to lose control.
by R. Lundy Bancroft
"A sophisticated understanding of the mind of the abuser, his style as a parent, and of the tactics that he most commonly employs during separation and divorce, are essential to anyone making custody recommendations or working to design visitation plans that are safe for the children and their mother. Contrary to popular belief, children of batterers can be at just as much risk psychologically, sexually, and even physically after the couple splits up as they were when the family was still together. In fact, many children experience the most damaging victimization from the abuser at this point. A genuine batterer can be convincingly play the part of a man who has been unfairly accused, and batterers who will be a grave risk to their children during unsupervised visitation can be hard to separate from those who can visit safely."
Abused women not infrequently are the targets of a pattern of criminal and
terroristic behavior that goes far beyond what parental alienation syndrome
ever was described as by Gardner or intended to be applied to. We are
concerned that as more and more abused women lose custody to batterers in
family courts, they are embracing the very ideas that enabled their abusers
to gain custody in the first place.
Steven Alan Hassan, cult counselor and mind control expert is a Nationally Certified Counselor and licensed Mental Health Counselor and has developed a breakthrough approach to help loved ones rescue cult mind control victims. He is a former member of the Moon cult. Ex-cult members and others seek him out for specialized counseling to help them recover from symptoms other mental health professionals are not trained to address.
"Just as most soldiers believe bullets will hit only others, not themselves, most citizens like to think that their own minds and thought processes are invulnerable. 'Other people can be manipulated, but not me,' they declare."
- Margaret Singer, Ph.D.
AdvocateWeb is a nonprofit organization providing information and resources to promote awareness and understanding of the issues involved in the exploitation of persons by trusted helping professionals. We are attempting to be a helpful resource for victim/survivors, their family and friends, the general public, and for victim advocates and professionals.
A nation is not conquered until the hearts of its woman are on the ground.
Then it is done, no matter how brave its warriors, nor how strong their weapons.
Cheyenne Proverb
THANK YOU for visiting and reading my website. Please click on the link
Coral's Wisdom, Insights and WORDS TO LIVE BY
as my gift to you. May
these words assist you in your own journey back to 'wholeness' and 'self.'
I honor your journey and survival and pray for your healing, as well.
